Tonight, I was sitting there reflecting on something that someone said during somewhat of a "discussion". The person said to me (quote unquote)"What is it that you are looking for? A husband?"
I try to avoid using this blog as a service to get messages to people who I think are reading. I believe that if you have to say something, you say it to them directly. Accordingly, I do not ever put anything on this blog about someone unless I approach them about it first. I havent had a chance to approach them to discuss this, simpy because I havent had the chance and to be honest, its not big deal given the state of play now with that particular person. But I'm reflecting on it tonight and I can't help but comment on it because it feeds into another discussion I was having with someone else tonight. This girl had just had a six month relationship break up, and she was terribly upset because "she was going to marry him".
The thing is, I actually am not particularly swept up on the idea of marriage. Before you all go and accuse me of being a feminist bra burning corporate machine, let me explain. I truly believe in the "fairytale". Boy meets girl, boy and girl connect, boy and girl get to know each other, boy and girl commit to being with each other and only each other and they live happily ever after. There is no point in time where there is a ceremony with cringe-worthy speeches and ugly taffetta bridesmaids dresses. Call me naive, but being together a lifetime doesnt get sealed the minute you walk down the aisle and is certainly not guaranteed the minute you "marry someone". Marriages are breaking up every day, day in day out. Men and women are committing adultery left, right and centre. What has marriage done to stop two people from breaking up?
Thanks for the idea of a husband, but no thanks. I'd rather continue the search for someone that really and truly loves me for me, every day, for the rest of my life. I won't need a ceremony to make me feel more comfortable each day. I'll be comforted by the idea that my man wakes up each day and loves me just that little bit more than the day before. That is more important to me than finding someone that I can label as "my husband".
So no. I'm not looking for a husband.
2 comments:
I've done the marriage ritual twice. Both times entirely to please and appease others. The old "it should be done - it's only decent and right, you know."
Now that Bob and I are divorced but remaining together so we can raise our son together, and also remaining together because I just don't have it in me to either hate Bob or abandon him, a 100% disabled person -- nearly my entire childhood family has turned its back on me.
Only goes to prove what I've believed all along: true love happens only when the needs of the other are more important to you than your own needs. And when this is true for both of you - love truly does conquer all.
And love like that just don't need no man-made ritual or rite. It's already right.
Thanks for visiting my blog, via Eternally Curious - I had a quick flick down yours and saw the beautiful photos of Sydney Harbour and Dpyles - had dinner there once mmm
Re marriage - way back in the early '70's when Don and I met (accross a bar - where else) in Newcastle - we recognised each other - in a way - moved in together 3 weeks later and weretogether for 35 years - we didn't marry till after the girls were born in the late '70's and at times we fought like cats and dogs - but not often in front of the kids - It was hard work at times but always the feeling of rightness - where else would I be, what else would I be doing? Just two strong personalties having to adjust to each other and thats healthy -unfortunately too many thing its going to be like a faerytale and give up at the first 20 arguements -pikers!
I agree with EC - the feeling I had for Don was such that his pain caused me pain also but that took years to come to honestly.
He was a C5 C6 Quadriplegic for 25 of our 35 years but a less disabled man I have never met. He was strong, and loyal and tough - he was also compassionate, gentle and extremely funny in a black sort of way -
Our lives were as rich as could be - but took work... as does anything worth having...
it'll happen in the fullness of time no matter what you think or plan... thats how life goes.
Post a Comment