Wow... empty room... no one here.... just me.
Well for those who have come back just to check to see if I am still here, yes. I am still here.
However I come to this page and type these words as a different person. I cannot explain how I am different, why I am different, what it means to be different and what affect its going to have on anyone or anything else. The fact is, I'm different.
I look at the miles I've travelled, the people I've met, the risks that I have taken in my life and the challenges I have set myself. And then I look at the person that I have been for the last six to twelve months and I realise that I have not been 'me'.
I have spent the last six to twelve months trying to work out why the carefree, travelled, risk taking, fearfless girl has not been able to fit into the mould that was being prescribed for her by others around her. 2007 was supposed to be about discovery but rather, I found myself suurounded by dissonence and disillusion. I tried to associate myself as "the ultimate corporate lawyer", only to realise that the power broking with self-important people only left me hollow and unchallenged. I tried to consider myself the "social butterfly" but in doing that, I found myself surrounded by people with empty minds and empty hearts.
I've struggled with the idea that after all of the introspection that I have done over the years may not have necessarily led me any closer to the answer of "what is my purpose?"
If the truth be known, I am who I am and this is my purpose. I'm emotional, I'm passionate, I'm inspired, I'm open, I'm giving, I'm intense, I'm strong, I'm powerful - and I care. Sometimes so much that it hurts me and it hurts others. My friends, my family, my work colleagues, my boyfriends (past, present and future!).
I'm not afraid of people reading this. Because if they came up to me and looked me in the eye and asked me what my purpose is in life, it will be exactly the above. To feel emotion, to be passionate about life, to find inspiration, to be open to whatever comes my way, to give, to intensely believe, to be strong, and to be powerful. This is my purpose.
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4 comments:
WOW! That is IT, you know. You do realize that, don't you? You, at your young age, have 'discovered' what it takes most folks a lifetime to discover.
But there's more.
It's that caring element that has left you confused, and feeling as though you should be doing or accomplishing - something. Trust me I know. All the other elements within you are there to make sure you listen to that caring element within you. It demands that you DO something. You can not 'care' in third person. It is a very first person, hands on, in your face imperative.
Now that you, finally, know you, all the elements within you will guide you to know, eventually and when the time is right, how to obey that caring element within you. But in time. First, very first and ultimate, you must learn how to care for or about others without harming yourself - whether it be emotionally, physically, or mentally.
PS: I'm really, really proud of you Kate! [Hope that doesn't sound patronizing - 'cuz it's from the heart.]
Wow thats great Kate! I hope you find your purpose soon. When you do please let me know how you did it, so that so that I might find mine too(although its a bit lat in life for me now)
wow, unbelievable post!
this is so exciting!!!
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